Putting Yourself First: A Woman’s Guide to Self-Care and Boundaries

There’s a moment in every woman’s life when she realizes: “I’m tired.” And not just tired in the physical sense, but emotionally and spiritually depleted. It’s the kind of exhaustion that creeps in slowly after months or even years of showing up for everyone else while subtly ignoring her own needs. If you’re here, reading this, I want you to know that I see you. 

I want to say something simple but profound: choosing yourself is not selfish, it’s necessary.

Trust me, I know how uncomfortable it can feel to choose yourself and put yourself first. That mental guilt creeps in saying, “Who do you think you are, putting yourself first?” is loud — especially for women who have been taught their value is found in how much they give to others. But the truth is, choosing yourself doesn’t mean you love others less. Instead, it teaches you to love yourself enough to show up for them fully and authentically. Taking care of yourself is an act of courage and self-respect.

One of the most common questions I hear is: “But how do I know when it’s the right thing to prioritize me?” That word “right” gets heavy, because for many of us, doing the “right” thing has often meant self-sacrifice, people-pleasing, or keeping the peace at all costs. But in reality, the “right” thing isn’t always the thing that pleases everyone. It’s the thing that aligns with your values, protects your peace, and honors your truth. Sometimes, doing the right thing looks like speaking up. Other times, it looks like walking away or choosing silence. It’s not always comfortable, and it certainly won’t always be understood by others. But over time, you’ll start to recognize the difference between acting out of fear or guilt, and acting out of grounded self-awareness.

Let’s talk about boundaries, too — especially the kind we set with the people we love. I know how complex this can be. We want to be there, to help, to support. And yet, when you feel chronically resentful, exhausted, or overlooked, that’s usually your inner wisdom waving a red flag. Setting boundaries isn’t about shutting people out. It’s about inviting relationships to be healthy, respectful, and mutual. And here’s something to remember people who genuinely care for you will learn to adjust. The ones who push back or guilt you are often the ones who were most comfortable with your lack of boundaries. That’s hard to face, but it’s powerful information. You can love people deeply and still say, “this doesn’t work for me anymore.” That is not a failure, it’s emotional maturity.

Now, I know many of you reading this are the ones everyone counts on. You carry a lot on your shoulders, whether that is work, family, friendships, obligations. The idea of prioritizing yourself might feel not just foreign, but impossible. But hear me when I say this: your needs are not negotiable just because you’re capable. You still deserve rest. You still deserve joy. You still deserve to be on your own list of priorities. That might look like carving out quiet time in the morning before the rest of the house wakes up, or allowing yourself to say no without an elaborate explanation. It might mean asking for help, even if you’re used to doing everything yourself. It might mean taking your mental health seriously such as going to therapy, journaling, meditating, or simply making space to breathe. And no, self-care doesn’t always look like that expensive spa day. Often, it’s the small, mundane acts of choosing yourself in the middle of chaos that matter most, like drinking water, going to bed early, staying off your phone, or saying no to a dinner you didn’t want to attend in the first place. These choices matter. They add up. And they teach the world how to treat you, one small decision at a time.

Above all else, I want you to remember this: you are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to have needs. You are allowed to say, “This matters to me,” and to move in the direction of peace, even if it means others don’t understand. Your life is not measured only by what you give away — but also by how deeply you choose to live. And living fully means honoring you, not just the roles you play.

So if today is one of those days when you’re questioning whether you’re doing the “right” thing by choosing yourself, let this be your reminder: yes, you are. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to change. You are allowed to grow. You are allowed to say, “I matter, too.”

And you are doing better than you think.

With love,

Madison <3